For Lent, I decided to keep a gratitude journal. I firmly believe, "that which we focus on expands." It is easy, working for a public school system, to find yourself surrounded with lateral thinking and negativity; I decided a gratitude journal would help me keep perspective during what is the most hectic time of year in education.
Most of entries center around words exchanged during the day, simple gestures of friends and the everyday occurances I for which I forget to feel grateful. But, I have to say, today I don't feel much like recording anything. I'm feeling a little grouchy and a little green.
I don't know Samuel. I don't know his temperament, I don't know his favorite color or his sense of humor, but I'm here, miles away clinging to a picture trying to reassure myself that soon we will be inseparable.
I think the hardest part of adoption is the "not knowing" anything. I wonder what is taking so long. I wonder what Samuel is thinking - does he remember the letter that was read to him? I wonder where our file is in Ethiopia - is anyone looking at it? Does anyone care? When will we travel and how will Samuel respond to us? I keep wondering all these kinds of thoughts, but alas, no answers can be found.
Indeed I know that this will become but a distant memory, but for today, I suppose I must honor it for what it is - anxiety, frustration and of course sadness. Sadness because there's a little boy who is "ready" but not yet "ready for us". I wonder if he realizes that he has already become the center of our universe?
We are approaching six weeks of waiting for a court date. I know the name of the game is "waiting" but it is getting more and more difficult with each passing day. I'm trying to contain the cynical voice that is pointing out the obvious chain of events - it's taking six+ weeks to get a court date, then a court date will be scheduled 3-4 weeks later, then we travel 2-3 weeks after that. I'm no mathematician but it looks like the waiting has merely begun.
8 comments:
Just know that you're not alone... I too am so tired and frustrated in this game of waiting. I know we'll look back on this and maybe it won't seem so long and tedious, but in the midst of it... it's heartbreaking. Praying for you as you await a court date...
becca
(at 4+ weeks of court-date-waiting)
Just wanna say HEY!! ... I'm so sorry the waiting is continuing for a court date. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. It really helps to know we're not alone. I find myself both excited and anxious to get our referral. So many unknowns. Know that I'll keep praying for you!! Blessings, ~Shelly
Man, I know the waiting is tough. I wish I knew the perfect thing to say to make it easier. I hope it helps to know that all three of you have so many people praying for you and thinking about you. I hope you continue to find strength and calm in this difficult time.
It looks like we will be in your neck of the woods March 1st & 2nd. I hope we can see you guys a bit.
Waiting is so hard!!! I can't imagine how hard is it for you waiting for your son. Know that you are prayed for!
Things seem to be so quiet lately...no news on referrals or court dates. Hopefully things will start hopping soon!
Renee - Waiting is definitely the worst part of this journey. So much of what happens is out of our control and we stand and watch while our lives are about to change forever! We're praying for you! (BTW - LOVED meeting you the other day. Hang in there!)
Carol
I don't blame you a bit for being grouchy. I'm telling you it will all be so much better once you have that date, and it's got to happen soon. Hang in there. God is so good and His timing is perfect every time.
Blessings,
Debbie
Thinking of you as we continue to wait a reaaaaaalllllllly long time...
Hope you're doing okay...
becca
Hey there ... just wanted to drop by and say that I'm praying for you today!! I have nothing profound to share .. just know that you're not alone and that we are waiting anxiously to hear of that court date for your family and rejoice with you! Blessings~ Shelly
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